Delta flight 4510 - Cleveland to Lameville.

I knew this was going to be an interesting flight when the counter guy at the airport said that anything larger than a briefcase had to be 'stowed' (and just in case you were wondering, 'stowed' is one of my favorite airplane words.  'Friend, some of your foldin' money has come unstowed...').  Anyways, come to find out, I booked a flight, not on an Airbus, but on a  tiny school bus with wings.  I basically had to do a tuck and roll to get in this thing, and I still bumped my head.  Things were quickly remedied (is it weird that the word remedied has the word died in it?  Talk about oxymoron) when I was greeted by one of the top five most beautiful women I have ever met.  Absolutely gorgeous.  She had a slight accent which I later learned was portugese, and I was pretty much in love from that point.  So I found 5D next to this rich guy with no personality and an intestine full of flatulance (at least I hope that's him.  If its not him, he's going to think it's me...) and squished into my seat.  The captain came on the PA after an abnormally long wait and told us there was a mechanical problem, but it was being taken care of.  Is this something you tell a school bus full of passengers?  Unreal.  I don't know what they had to do, but I think one of those luggage tractors pushed us down the runway, and the pilot just popped the clutch.  In any event, we were off.  Oh, and we had to be de-iced!  These sweet remote controlled trucks with booms on them came over and sprayed us down.  It was awesome.  If the whole zamboni thing doesn't work out for me, I'm getting a job at the airport.

So the family in front of me I'm pretty sure are returning home to Lameville after vacationing in Cleveland.  Yeah, that kind of family.  Dad is wearing the typical ball cap and glasses, sipping on his complimentary orange juice and peanuts, delivered by my future wife, without so much as taking his eyes off some book he's reading.  He asked the portugese beauty fifteen questions before we even took off. His daughter is listening to her ipod, his son is playing DS, and his wife is like 'i can't believe I let him talk me into vacationing in Cleveland again'.  The rich guy just farted again.  I think I'm going to push him out somewhere in Wisconsin.